All right, that’s it.
I have reached the stage where I don’t want to answer the phone anymore so I don’t have to tell someone “No baby.”
I am only four days overdue, but it feels like 2 weeks as I was sure I was going to go early. Naturally this assuredness was grounded in nothing, but I believed it nonetheless.
I said to Dr. J. that the thing that may be missing is a knock down blow out scream fest. I have this vague idea that before all major life events you have a vicious argument with your spouse. This evokes guilt at the moment of life event arrival, and then allows for perspective in the natural realignment of your relationship. But I don’t want to have that fight, which is unusual as I am generally the instigator, but not today. Nope. Not me. I am not the bitch today.
So I am going to leave my house and go to the plant store and buy something for my containers. And maybe I will take myself out for lunch. And maybe I can go into labour without fighting. And maybe the labour pains I feel will be real this time instead of the tricky falsies that are driving me cuckoo.
And maybe I will be the one to walk away calmly and say ‘I am not doing this’